Compiler Complaint
Travelling Salesman Problem
The Lament of the Real Programmer
Sir Roger Needham (Cambridge)
Oh once I could program, the best in the land
I wrote in raw hex with unwavering hand.
My mind's eye could follow all possible paths
But now I can't manage the new-fangled maths
I cut lots of code for unaudited cash
And nobody cared that I rarely did wash
But now I'm burned out and admit with a sigh
That the kids from the High School are better than I
I lasted a while as an old-fashioned hack
Because I could knock out a protocol stack
But the mathmos are here now - they've come pretty far
And there's nothing for me but to prop up the bar!.
THE RABBIT, THE FOX AND THE WOLF: A FABLE
"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.
"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."
"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"
"Well, I am just finishing my Ph.D. thesis."
"Hah, that's a stupid excuse. What is the title of your thesis anyway?"
"I am writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"
"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."
"Not really, not according to my reserch. If you like, you can come to
my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go
ahead and have me for lunch."
"You are really crazy!" But since the fox was curious and nothing to
lose, it went with the rabbit into its hole. The fox never came back
out.
A few days later, the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and
sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to eat her.
"Wait!", yelled the rabbit,"you cannot eat me right now."
"And why might that be, you fuzzy appetizer?"
"I am almost finished writing my Ph.D. thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."
The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its hold on the rabbit.
"Maybe I shouldn't eat you, you really are sick in the head, you might
have something contagious," the wolf opined.
"Come read for yourself, you can eat me after that if you disagree with
my conclusions. " So the wolf went to the rabbit's hole and never came
out.
The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the lettuce
fields. Another rabbit came by and asked, "What's up? You seem to be
very happy."
"Yup, I just finished my dissertation. "
"Congratulations! What is it about?"
"It is titled 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves"
"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."
"Oh yes, you should come over and read it for yourself."
So they went together to the rabbit's hole. As they went in, the friend
saw a typical graduate student abode, albeit a rather messy one after
writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial dissertation was
in one corner, on the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left
was a pile of wolf bones, and in the middle was a large, lip-licking
lion.